Medical Diaries - Journal 2
Okay so here is how my day went today. I woke up with all the energy and enthusiasm after a late night to study and learn as much as possible, to shine and smile but, there is always a 'but'. But life happened and I got the key to the exam I wrote last week. Let me tell you,
1) I worked my ass of for 3 weeks for this exam,
2) It definitely was a tough exam in general
3) This is one of the first exams I wrote after my come back.
And the results were shattering. This was probably my worst performance ever. I couldn't handle it and I burst into tears. I ruined the rest of my day and binge watched Grey's Anatomy. I told myself that I am a failure, my hard work isn't enough, I cursed the high lords, I ruined the day basically. All the energy and enthusiasm was replaced with hatred and anger. Hatred for the course and anger for myself. I failed myself again. I have never made it past 50% in Aakash. Earlier I had an excuse of school. My school follows the IB curriculum while NEET is based on CBSE, now I don't have an excuse either. So all evening, I sat and wondered where am I going wrong? Why am I doing so bad here even after working well enough? What is it that I am missing here?
After a lot of weeping, wincing and wondering, I figured that it is probably because I am trying too hard. Trying too hard to get a high score, trying too hard to prove myself, trying to hard to impress the faculty at Aakash instead of trying to just learn for the sake of learning. I have forgotten how to enjoy what I learn, how to love what I am doing. I have forgotten what it takes to score high. And this post is dedicated for that sole purpose.
I usually write to let go of all my thoughts and get clarity, so while I write, I figure out what I want to do and how I plan on doing it. This time I realized that I am pushing too hard for scores, that I am forgetting that scores come with knowledge. It takes interest and passion to succeed and all this while, I was so engrossed in worrying and thinking about the scores that I didn't bother studying properly. I lost my pattern of studying and style while running after the scores. I lost myself somewhere in between quantifying education and scoring high . So here I am, making my point. Don't lose yourself in this battle, be you, do what you usually do, there's nothing different about this exam. Just follow your heart and don't stress about it.
Today I am upset and contemplating of quitting, tomorrow I am probably going to come back and write about how my style of studying payed off or I am going to write about how NEET was not my thing. Until then, bye!
1) I worked my ass of for 3 weeks for this exam,
2) It definitely was a tough exam in general
3) This is one of the first exams I wrote after my come back.
And the results were shattering. This was probably my worst performance ever. I couldn't handle it and I burst into tears. I ruined the rest of my day and binge watched Grey's Anatomy. I told myself that I am a failure, my hard work isn't enough, I cursed the high lords, I ruined the day basically. All the energy and enthusiasm was replaced with hatred and anger. Hatred for the course and anger for myself. I failed myself again. I have never made it past 50% in Aakash. Earlier I had an excuse of school. My school follows the IB curriculum while NEET is based on CBSE, now I don't have an excuse either. So all evening, I sat and wondered where am I going wrong? Why am I doing so bad here even after working well enough? What is it that I am missing here?
After a lot of weeping, wincing and wondering, I figured that it is probably because I am trying too hard. Trying too hard to get a high score, trying too hard to prove myself, trying to hard to impress the faculty at Aakash instead of trying to just learn for the sake of learning. I have forgotten how to enjoy what I learn, how to love what I am doing. I have forgotten what it takes to score high. And this post is dedicated for that sole purpose.
I usually write to let go of all my thoughts and get clarity, so while I write, I figure out what I want to do and how I plan on doing it. This time I realized that I am pushing too hard for scores, that I am forgetting that scores come with knowledge. It takes interest and passion to succeed and all this while, I was so engrossed in worrying and thinking about the scores that I didn't bother studying properly. I lost my pattern of studying and style while running after the scores. I lost myself somewhere in between quantifying education and scoring high . So here I am, making my point. Don't lose yourself in this battle, be you, do what you usually do, there's nothing different about this exam. Just follow your heart and don't stress about it.
Today I am upset and contemplating of quitting, tomorrow I am probably going to come back and write about how my style of studying payed off or I am going to write about how NEET was not my thing. Until then, bye!
Holy shit! I had the same feeling about Physics HL. Passion and learning simply for the joy of it is the only way to keep up and it worked for me. I sat myself down for 2 weeks 2 months before the finals and learned everything from the scratch at my own pace. That was when I realized how beautiful the subject is and that resurrected my passion. And then my grades skyrocketed. (I know I'm late but I read this just now and I could relate to this).
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